Cómo SER el mejor escritor del MUNDO

Tiempo de lectura: 3 minutos

Lo primero es que leer, narrar y diseccionar historias sea toda una pasión para ti, si no es así no sé por qué putas estas interesado en ser el mejor escritor del mundo. Hay otras cosas que no son ser el mejor escritor del mundo que te otorgarán más dinero, fama, mujeres y lanzallamas (1). Pero bien, voy a presuponer lo obvio, que si te has metido a leer un artículo sobre ser el mejor escritor del mundo es que quieres ser el mejor escritor del mundo. Hay varios puntos generales que se suelen repetir entre los grandes escritores y en los que podemos picotear un poco:

5 formas de ser el mejor escritor del mundo

Lo primero es conocer las reglas del arte, eso implica no sólo haber leído a los mejores sino haber escrito como los mejores. Copiar, imitar y probar los diferentes estilos es un necesario entrenamiento que no sólo te sacará de tu zona de confort, de tus manías y de tus obsesiones sino que te permitirá conocer aspectos de tu escritura que ni tú mismo conocías. Quizás tu tono no sea tan depresivo y religioso como el de Dostoievsky pero aprenderás de él cómo construir a personajes obsesivos.

Lo primero, después de conocer las reglas del arte, para ser el mejor escritor del mundo, es romper las reglas. Aquí entra el coraje, la extravagancia y el derecho a tener tu propia voz. Si Cervantes sigue siendo tan conocido a pesar de que leer juego de tronos es más divertido es porque en esa sátira que es Don Quijote Miguel de Cervantes rompió, y de paso creó, muchas nuevas reglas y formatos. No te puedo decir cómo se hace eso ya que sería constreñir tu natural creatividad pero vamos, a partir de lo que sabes y de lo que has aprendido introduce lo tuyo, que todo tu ser, tu mejor y tu peor yo, impregne tu obra.

lo primero, después de romper las reglas, para ser el mejor escritor del mundo, es escribir con violencia y ambición. Nada de literatura de nicho (2), ni underground ni ostias. Incluso si tu temática es el porno de dinosaurios que tu obra, al mismo tiempo que trata las aventuras sexuales de los tiranosaurios rex, impregne los grandes temas y obsesiones universales, que hipotéticamente, cualquier ser humano pueda ser llamado por esta obra.

lo primero, después de escribir con violencia y ambición, para ser el mejor escritor del mundo, es escribir y corregir mucho. Cómo se demostró científicamente en la dialéctica de la naturaleza expuesta por Friedrich Engels existe una relación entre lo cuantitativo y lo cualitativo, y es que frente al bloqueo, procrastinación y autoengaño del perfeccionismo una rutina de producir y corregir a toda costa está condenada al éxito por una simple cuestión probabilística.

lo último, después de escribir y corregir mucho, para ser el mejor escritor del mundo, es convertirte en un dios. Si lo entendemos como seres inmortales y llenos de poderes no es tan difícil, sólo implica explotar tus límites, violar tus posibilidades y acariciar dulcemente todo lo establecido para subvertirlo y cambiarlo. En realidad es la única opción sensata ante la realidad terrible de la muerte y la putrefacción, no sé por qué hostias no nos estamos dando cuenta.


(1) Yo en realidad paso de ser escritor, prefiero ser brujo.

(2) ¿Qué me impide hablar sobre belleza masculina y una nueva política inmigratoria mas allá de la izquierda y la derecha? Nada.

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